In NJ, divorced dads get screwed — and not in the good way! (Opinion)
Over the years I've seen first-hand what's happens to good men and good fathers who go through divorce in New Jersey. I managed to stay out of the system completely after seeing what happens when you put your life and the lives of your children in the hands of family court in New Jersey. It's ugly and sad. I would not have been able to survive what a lot of men go through in this state.
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of bad guys who don't live up to their responsibilities as a father, but there is a very large group that get chewed up and destroyed by this system and nobody cares. The public cares about women and children, but if you're a man and getting screwed, no one seems to care. There are plenty of women who see how men are mistreated in the system. They're usually the sisters, mothers, and if anyone dares to go out with them, their new girlfriends. This is a huge problem and I've counseled both men and women over the years to "settle it yourself, out of court and away from lawyers and the system!" Many times the women don't get what they think they will and many times the children suffer the most. I want you to read excerpts of emails I've gotten from a desperate father who is going through this nightmare...
I was married in 1996 and divorced in 2004. 1 son was born during the marriage on 2/3/03.
I was far from a perfect husband, just as I am far from a perfect man. But I am a good and loving father. From the beginning the playing field was tilted to my ex-wife's favor. I am not some bitter ex husband blaming the system for life's problems. But anyone who has ever been involved with NJ family court or known someone will tell you that men have an uphill fight.
The system is broken. I have been fighting it for 15 years. I am presumed to be a bum. A deadbeat. But as I also said, over $130,000 in direct child support not counting extracurricular activities for my son, food when I have him and basic necessities.
I could go on for pages and pages with what has been done to me, my son and countless men I have seen being victimized by the NJ family court and its judges.
I work and have almost nothing to show for it. Craziest part is most of the time my son comes to me for everyday needs(toiletries, clothes etc.) because his mother tells him she cant afford it.
Union county judges are some of the worst in the state. They ignore the NJ supreme court, they ignore the AOC and its directives.
Its a crazy system!!! My ex will no doubt show up Monday demanding I be sent to jail. Crying the blues that she has no money(made $80,000 last year) and needs the support to survive. Yet isn't that inconsistent? If I'm paying $165-$200/week and you put me in jail, then nothing is paid.
My son is an emotional wreck. He cant sleep, his head and stomach hurt. And I have no doubt me being sent to jail for an extended period will have a devastating impact on his life.
Jail sucks. No one wants to go. Especially for being low income.
The whole system is insane. I cannot believe that this is where I am in my life. I've shielded my son as much as possible. I've sacrificed for him in every way possible. As I stated in the beginning, I'm not a perfect man but I'm a good father.
Its probably too late for me. I will lose the new job. I will go to jail and I will again be homeless because cant work if I'm in jail. I will get out and be in a deeper hole.
Its debtors prison. Check the law(pasqua v counsel) check the nj aoc 15:08
I'm not making anything up. I'm not an angry ex. I'm a frustrated man and father.
Union county family court and its judges ignore the law. Its a sad and pathetic joke.
Its a machine. A $1.1 billion dollar a year machine.
That was just a part of the emails I've received from this one father, but there are thousands of others in New Jersey who are going through and have been through the same thing. We could talk about this non-stop all four hours of every day we are on the air, and we would not run out of calls. We would run out of listeners, because very few people want to hear about it, unless it's happening to them or someone they care about. The media won't cover it, because it's happening to men and no politician would go near any reform bill because, yes... it's happening to men. Unless there's a sympathetic angle, like women, children, minority, or some "marginalized" group, there's little or no interest. Young men are avoiding commitments like marriage in greater numbers today. Sociologists have tried to pinpoint why. I think I may have a pretty good idea why. If you watched your dad or someone you know go through this, would you take the plunge?
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