In Part 2 of a week-long series, “Are New Jersey’s kids overscheduled,” we take a look at how parents can tell how much extra-curricular activity is too much.

(Iris Nieves, ThinkStock)
(Iris Nieves, ThinkStock)
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From school to clubs to athletic practices, or from games to dinner and homework, many children in New Jersey and across the country are burning the midnight oil only to get up the next morning and repeat the process all over again.

For some parents, it means a full day at work and evenings spent in the car only to do the same thing the next day. In many cases, there are no breaks on weekends either.  For families with more than one child, it can get even more hectic. So, how can a parent tell when the hustle and bustle is taking a toll on their child? Is there such thing as "too much?"

The key is for parents to listen to their children, according to Dr. Deborah Carr, professor of Sociology at Rutgers University.

"I think if a lot of parents asked themselves honestly, 'who wants this for the child?'  I think in some cases, a child will say they really want it because they really love this particular activity and the feeling of accomplishment that it gives them. But, in some cases, parents need to ask themselves if they are subtly pushing their child to do something and whether they are deriving great honor, and prestige and self-esteem from their child's pursuits," Carr said. "Or maybe their child is living out the dreams that they themselves were unable to pursue 25 to 30 years earlier."

Children need a space where they are allowed to say they are tired, or that they do not want to take part in a particular activity, which can be hard because they know their parents want them to succeed and as they get older, they understand parental sacrifice, according to Carr.

"They know that their parents are spending money and taking time off work. The child may feel that they don't have the option to pull out because of all the energy that their parents have invested," Carr said.

It is very important for parents to ask their children outright or try to glean subtle messages.  "Are the kids dragging their heels when it's time to sign up for something? Are they sad on those days in the morning when they wake up when they know they have one of their activity-related events? Kids can lie, but they can't wholly conceal their feelings if parents are being observant," Carr said.

On a regular basis as a college professor, Carr has heard many stories of students who used to love a particular activity and they stopped doing it for one reason or another.

"Even though they may have loved the activity and it may have been meaningful for them, they didn't like the pressure and expectations that went with it," she said. "I think it's important to recognize that a child can engage in an activity without being a part of the competitive world."

Click below to view the rest of our series, 'Are our kids overscheduled?':

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