Do your children have downtime? [Part 4 of a series]

In Part 4 of a week-long series, “Are New Jersey’s kids overscheduled,” we take a look at the impact overscheduling can have on children.   

In most cases, parents want their children to have every advantage possible. While the thought may come from from a good place, it can often leave kids feeling overwhelmed as they try to juggle multiple school activities, clubs, sporting events and homework - leaving very little time for themselves.

"Our kids are not only doing a lot these days - they are doing a lot of a lot which isn't always helpful to them," Elias said. "How can parents provide their kids with an advantage if they're doing a dance class for only two months when their neighbor's kid is doing the dance class for three months? Then, you want your kid to do it for four months, then six months, then it's a year, then it's summer camp and it just goes on and on.

Elisa said the question parents need to ask is: "When does the child have a chance to be a child?"

Even heading into the teenage years, children need time for reflection, according to Elias. They need time to let their thoughts be their thoughts, and to not be directed by someone else.

Elias said reflection is more important than ever for children, especially since many are facing mounting pressures at school.

"School is now so much more structured, with less play time and less creative time that the balance you would like to have them get outside of school isn't quite there," Elias said.

Years ago, children would play in the street with their friends taking part in unstructured activities. That is not the case as much these days. As a professor, Elias has seen many kids fail to succeed.

"What we know about the kids who don't succeed is that it's not because they're not smart enough. It's not because they didn't have enough dance classes or anything like that. It's because they didn't know how to use unstructured time, which is an essential life skill," Elias said.

One of the downsides of the current overscheduling of kids is that they do not know how to schedule themselves, and they lack the opportunity to learn how to cope with boredom.

"Coping with boredom is a major skill because we're not always thrilled in school. You can't act out. You can't give up. You can't go somewhere else. You have to figure out how you're going to cope. If we reflect on our work lives, every day is not always exciting, every meeting is not enthralling," Elias said.

Children need to learn how to cope with boredom and learn how to pass the time without an "essential structure."  Elisa said it's "an essential life skill for our kids."

Click below to view the rest of our series, ‘Are our kids overscheduled?’:

• Part 1: Busy kids require an organized mom
• Part 2: How much is too much for our kids?
• Part 3: School activities taking a back seat