Deep dish pizza is FAKE pizza, Dennis!
I don't normally do this. I don't normally challenge another talk host's opinion. There are hosts on this station who think Trump is the second coming of Christ, transgender people are freaks, millennials are all snowflakes, etcetera. I disagree with all of that. But I don't challenge them about it because they're completely entitled to their opinion wrong as they may be.
However something came to my attention yesterday that I cannot remain silent about. It's bigger than social justice, generational discord and American politics.
Something too sacred here in Jersey to remain silent. My silence would make me complicit. So I'm sorry my good friend Dennis Malloy, but this post you did praising Chicago deep dish pizza? SACRILEGE!!!
You see Thursday was National Deep Dish Pizza Day. If such an abomination is going to have its own day then why not just go completely morally bankrupt and have a National Nazi Day, a National Kick The Homeless Day and a National Steal From Your Grandmother Day? All would be equally wrong.
In Dennis' piece, he states, "Many people here on the east coast poo poo the "deep dish" pizza as not real pizza." And Dennis, many people are spot on! The only thing correct about your sentence is the inclusion of the term 'poo poo', because poo-poo is what one should think when they think of the horror that is deep dish pizza. This is merely a pile of garbage akin to a tomato paste bucket that identifies as pizza. If I wanted to order an Italian flavored chum bucket from the SpongeBob SquarePants show I wouldn't have asked for pizza, okay? I would have asked for fetid garbage. You're a good man Dennis. How you could turn to the dark side with your South Jersey and Philly roots and sing the praises of Chicago deep dish pizza is beyond me.
But don't worry about my opinion. What about the children? We have a generation coming up behind us who may not stay in New Jersey. The lack of affordability is causing many to look beyond the state's borders. Once they leave, the shining memory they should cling to is they once knew what real pizza tasted like. When they're stuck in an analytics job in Des Moines, Iowa or a middle management gig in Kalamazoo, Michigan the one smug thought that can keep them sane amidst all that boredom is they know what the others don't. They know what real pizza is. You're going to corrupt a generation, Dennis. Deep dish pizza is NOT real pizza!
Do I need to break out the heavy artillery? Okay, I can see you're not taking me seriously so I hate that it's come to this. Wipe that fake pizza slop off your face and sit down for a moment and look at this Dennis. Because no one ever said it better than Jon Stewart. I leave you with his words of wisdom on why you should never call deep dish pizza amazing again. Never.
Jeff Deminski can be heard with Bill Doyle on New Jersey 101.5, every weekday, from 2 to 7 p.m. Listen live online here at NJ1015.com or on the NJ1015 app. Follow Jeff on Twitter. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. The opinions expressed here are solely those of Jeff Deminski.
More from New Jersey 101.5