President Donald Trump says he has it on good authority that he can change the constitution through executive order and plans on doing just that regarding birthright citizenship under the 14th amendment. He (along with millions of Americans) don't like that illegals can sneak into the country, have a baby on American soil and that baby be automatically a U.S. citizen. In fact, a small industry has been made out of it. Birth tourism. In 2016 the Meadowlands Hospital Medical Center made news and controversy by seeking pregnant Russian women to deliver their babies in Secaucus, making those babies automatic citizens. It was called "AmeriMama" and it was a program sold as providing the finest in care but deep in the fine print was the real selling point; U.S. citizenship.

In an NBC/Wall Street Journal poll out last year, 65% of Americans felt we should continue granting citizenship to all children born on U.S. soil even if their parents came here illegally. Well okay then! Since citizenship seems to mean nothing these days (in-state tuition for state schools for illegals, financial aid, talk of driver's licenses for illegals, etc.) then why stop at birthright citizenship? If 65% percent of Americans want this to continue, then why not expand the granting of citizenship here in New Jersey? Is it fair only babies get this? How about the 30 year old guy who walked here from Central America? Just because he didn't come dripping in placenta doesn't mean he shouldn't get a lifetime of benefits that citizenship has to offer, does it?

So if citizenship is going to indeed mean nothing, then here are some suggested ways we can hand it out like Halloween candy in the Garden State.

1) When an illegal begins using American phrases and nicknames in a convenience store, like, "Have a good one" and "Boss" then they are automatically granted citizenship.

2) The first time an undocumented alien gives the middle finger while driving, they are granted citizenship. The Jersey salute is after all a sign of assimilation.

3) As soon as an illegal immigrant complains about beach fees, badabing, they have citizenship for life.

4) Hanging on to your old customs is fine, but if you also incorporate pizza once a week you are automatically granted U.S. citizenship (not to mention a key to New Jersey).

5) Once you give up watching soccer in favor of watching American football, you are moved to the front of the line for citizenship. If you are also willing to complain about rich NFL players kneeling during the national anthem you're given a free 6-pack of Budweiser. 'Murica!

6) If you become a fan of Roseanne Barr, you're in.

7) Use phrases like 'snowflakes' or 'libtards,' or conversely 'Trumptards,' and always hate the other side no matter what, you'll be granted immediate citizenship.

8) Not know the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day yet grill on both occasions, you're a citizen.

9) Get irrationally angry at the Black Lives Matter movement or get irrationally angry at the men and women of law enforcement and you're in.

10) Know less about the political system or when Election Day is and more about Snap Chat bee filters and troll people on Facebook and you're granted instant citizenship.

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