Dear Public Pee-er in Princeton,

At or about 5 p.m. on Sunday, my wife and I saw you on Georgetown Franklin Turnpike in Princeton. You were heading east in your SUV and pulled over and parked where there is no shoulder just before Cherry Hill Road.

We noticed you because your vehicle was parked half-assed and dangerously blocking our view as we tried to make a left turn off Cherry Hill Road to go west. You were parked in a travel lane. As we inched out to navigate this unnecessarily tricky turn, we watched you get out of your vehicle and walk around the front to the side of the road.

There, right in front of someone's home and with very little vegetation to block the view of drivers on this well traveled road, you decided it would be a fine idea to unzip your pants and urinate on the ground.

Now, listen — maybe this is all a misunderstanding. Maybe you somehow thought you were in the middle of the Pine Barrens with no homes in sight and having no clue that businesses with bathrooms were less than five minutes away. Maybe you got confused and thought you were camping. Maybe you were driving drunk at a .21 and actually thought Georgetown Franklin Turnpike was your driveway and the ground was your bathroom.

Or maybe, and I know I'm going out on a treacherous limb here, just maybe you're an imbecile.

Is it truly necessary to expose yourself on a public street? Is your life so busy that you couldn't plan a little better?

Listen pal, the world is not your Grateful Dead tailgate party, okay? Either buy yourself some Depends undergarments or put on some overalls grab a banjo and move to Arkansas if you're going to act like that.


Nauseated in NJ (Jeff Deminski)

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