Amnesty For The Three Hole Punch Culprit, But Not For Management
It happened. It was only a matter of time. The sales department was bound to encounter some difficulties along the way to meeting revenue targets. Yup, somebody absconded with a three hole punch. And not just any three hole punch. The three hole punch right off of the sales director's desk.
We all learned of the alleged pilfering through a company wide email at 3:02 pm on Monday.
By the start of the morning show, nearly fourteen hours after the incident, still no suspects and no leads. Taking action in order to help my colleagues, I took to the airwaves and read the email pleading for the safe and undamaged return of the three hole punch. The note was from...let's call her "Shawneen" (cuz that's actually her name) and it was clear all she wanted was the return of the critical office equipment. As is I assumed is the prerogative of any morning show, I used the platform to declare amnesty for the guilty party. A "pathway to return" for the three hole punch to it's rightful owner. The minutes and show segments ticked by, still nothing. Then it happened. In marched the station boss, Ron DeCastro, to declare that the offering of 'amnesty' worked. The three hole punch had been returned, no questions asked. The guilty party, let's call her "Melanie"...again, cuz that's her name, returned the equipment and went on with the morning routine.
Of course the whole sordid mess brings up a very important question for management. Why are we still using three hole punches in the office? And it's not just limited to sales, our own morning show producer Kristen has a coveted three hole punch. When asked about it's use, she tells us that it's how she was trained to do the job. And every producer prior to her used the same technique. Paper lists, punched expertly with three holes and then placed so carefully in a three ring binder. It's 2018 and we're literally making holes in paper and storing said paper in binders on shelves. Now I'm all for printing paper and embracing the great paper industry responsible for so many millions of new trees planted throughout North America, but I also think a bit of modernity is probably a bit overdue at the station. Do you think we could track the calls and related information in a...computer?!? Just sayin'.
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